Today has been a huge step forward for my personal development. But before I get into that, I want to talk about Instagram. Instagram, the social networking site that I usually find quite shallow. Everything based on photos, looks, what you appear to be like and have. Yet none the less, I use it myself. The majority of my photos are when I’m all done up ready to go out, and manage to fit a quick photo shoot in before heading out. But with Instagram comes direct messages. I won’t be dramatic and I won’t exaggerate. I can comfortably say that from time to time I’ll receive a few dms from both male and females. Today I opened a dm from a guy that had initially messaged me a few weeks ago wishing me well. Long story short, my lack of response or effort to make casual conversation led to him calling me a bitch and telling me to delete him (although I didn’t actually follow him).

Okay so it might sound silly, but it really wound me up. Who says that just because a guy messages a woman it means she MUST reply, and if she doesn’t she is a rude, mean person that deserves to be called a bitch. Don’t push your toys out the pram just because a woman isn’t entertaining the conversation. The reasons for her reply, or lack of, is not up for discussion. LADIES: We don’t have to reply to anyone. We choose what we do each day. We pick what and who we spend our time on. Oh wait, why am I aiming this to the women? THEY ALREADY KNOW THIS! This is to the men, don’t be pathetic and try and put someone down because you are unhappy. What do you gain from it? Why bother? I just wonder, do these guys lack the basic respect that they should of been taught from childhood this they should have to women, to everyone even!

Although I’m kind of ranting on about this really really tiny thing that I’ve probably made seem like a big deal. I know it’s not a big deal. It’s insignificant to my day. Yes what he did was wrong and uncalled for, but it’s not going to keep me up all night. The reason I wanted to share this was for two reasons. 1. To make it clear to the ladies and men about respect. 2. BECAUSE OMG today, I had a rant, about something normal. Today I just had the chance to moan on and get annoyed about something I would of a month an a half ago. I was the old me, no acid talk, no over thinking decisions, no worries. Just some guy getting defensive. And I think after I calmed down from being annoyed, it made my day. Someone was actually moaning at me because of a lack of reply again. It wasn’t a ‘hope your well’ ‘I’ve just heard’ ‘speedy recovery’ message. Although I appreciate them all, and help so much when I read through them when I’m feeling low. This guy just expected me to have the time to constantly talk to him, as if I had an obligation to. And I’m so glad. I’ve realised there are people in my life that since the attack have unintentionally led me to feel like a different person around them, and others I feel like just me, without any burns. I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault, I understand even those around me need time to adjust. But being considered a mean bitch for not replying felt great.

I know at the start of this I mentioned personal development, and aside from feeling a bit more normal thanks to Instagram, I ventured out today. Although I wasn’t going to, I decided I couldn’t put a timeline on ‘when I’m ready’ to leave my house. I did it on my own terms; went with my dad, wore huge shades, went to only one store and went after the shopping rush. But I still did it. More than likely I’ll try again, maybe aiming to go out closer to rush hour the more my face begins the heal.

So overall, I’ve been out of hospital for two days, and I’ve seen friends, sat in a car (windows closed obviously) and walked to B&M home stores.

A little note for myself (and the world I guess): the whole being sat in a car passenger seat needs to be reflected on. I was sat parked with my friend, her in the driver me in the passenger. Whilst we were talking she accidentally pressed the window controls for my window. I never screamed that loud and jumped onto her that quickly in my life. In a split second my reflexes came into action, I was off my seat, clutching to her and my phone and sunglasses had dropped in the car.

I guess I can do these things. I’m just doing them whilst constantly in fear.

8 thoughts on “Thanks for calling me a bitch”

  1. You’ll get there Resh I’m so proud of you and know it will not be an easy road for you to walk but I also know you are a real inspiration to others. This may have changed you but the bad days will get less and less with time. Don’t rush it, take all the time you need and make no apologies if it takes longer than people expect. It’s your healing not theirs. Take care x

    1. Thank you for that. I’m going to take your advice on! I’m here trying to do so much when I should be focusing on myself. Thank you x

  2. You’re awesome. People are more inclined to be assholes when sitting behind a screen so don’t take it personally when they waste their time with negative comments. Rise above it just like you have been from the start.

    It’s amazing to hear that you have been out and are taking small steps to get a semblance of normality back in to your life – keep it up! Nobody can imagine what you’ve been through or what your journey ahead will be like, but your positivity and courage are inspiring to all. I hope your cousin is also making good progress, pass on lots of love and prayers his way too.

    1. Thank you! I didn’t take it personally, but it felt good to have 1st world problems. I appreciate the love and prayers, thank you☺️

  3. Thanks for thought-provoking sharing. So easy to get self-focused and expect that because I start a conversation, the other person is somehow bound to be as engaged in it as me. It takes a gracious person to allow people to respond or not in their own time and manner.
    Glad to hear the recovery is creeping on. Hope you will be able to do all these things without pain or fear before long. Jon

    1. Just some guys take it personally. But I’m glad he did it a way! Recovery is coming along well, I’m just trying not to run before I can walk. Thank you for the comment 😀

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